My life flip flops, it takes on a mind of its own. It brings people into my life and it takes people out. One day is the best day of your life, then next feels like a living nightmare. The people I care about actually care too. The people that I love break my heart and disappoint. I know there are ups and downs, pros and cons of many things, when does this stop? Does it ever even out? Does it ever get better? These questions, I am waiting for answers to that I may never get. I may never understand my purpose or yours, but there has to be a reason why? Why does it seem like the bad outweighs the good? Why do evil people get it all, while the good suffer? Why do I seem to appreciate things when they are gone? Pictures bring back memories, old club outfits tell a story, and good food brings comfort and satisfaction. Those same things at the same time can bring pain, anguish, and sadness. Unsettling feeling I’m all to familiar with. Things in life I want to accomplish but not sure how. Family and friends mean well but can’t possibility know the thoughts that go through my head. My thoughts flip flop from good to bad, from hopeful to hopeless, and from confidence to worthlessness. I distance myself from the world as the walls closes in. I lay awake with the thoughts spinning and jumping in my brain. Over stimulation haunts me and keeps me from serenity. Not sure if I’m meant from this life and not sure how to enjoy the ride. The curse of an introvert is an inquisitive mind with a heartfelt soul. Something I have grow to live with.

My One True Self