Am I 30 Something Yet?

I never thought I would think this but I can’t wait to be in my 30s. Being 20 something (my age is 28) is not all it is cracked up to be. It’s full of anxiety and stress and less fun and excitement. In your 20s life is suppose to be full of excitement and wonderment, it’s suppose to be living life on the edge, on your terms, finally escaping from your parents rules and making your own. In your 20s you are in college or thinking about going. Hold down odd jobs to make ends meet, have a small apartment with people coming and going, and eating is always scarcely spontaneous whether it is getting invited to a hip restaurant or boiling some Ramen noodles in your one clean pot. These are the years that are suppose to be the best years of your life, well not to me. My 20s where filled with unanswered questions, untapped passion, fearful social situations, broken hearts, and unfulfilled dreams. My 20s were
spent searching, waiting, and hoping for a better tomorrow that never came. It was spent dulling my mind and senses enough to not feel and keep the illusion of happiness, when it was never really felt. Yes I have accomplished some goals like getting a college degree, falling in love, and getting my own place. Why do I still feel empty inside? Why do I feel eternal pain? The worst feeling of all is feeling unsatisfied. Feeling I should have did more or felt less. The feeling of wasted time and growing sadness. I am 28, a year and a half away from 30. Here’s to hoping my 30s will seem clearer and my life will seem better. Being 30 is no longer a fear but something I welcome. For someone that craves normalcy and stability being 30 something should be great. There is no point to regret my 20s and what I did or didn’t do because my future will be bright and the cracks in my heart should be healed and my mind will be wiser.

My One True Self

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